In these strange times of social distancing, I have a childish and humiliating confession to make: I miss my family. Yes, it’s only been a couple of weeks since I saw them, and—thank God—they’re healthy enough to Zoom with me regularly, but it’s still painful to realize that for the moment, nobody can tell me when I’ll get to see them (read: fight with them) in person again.
Maybe that’s why, in the absence of my own always-plentiful family bickering, I’ve alighted upon another family’s drama. Mia and Ronan Farrow’s Twitter sparring is providing me with all the maternal owning I can’t get IRL from my own mom right now. The saga began with Mia posting a video of teenage Ronan singing Stephen Sondheim’s “Not While I’m Around”. While having your mom post high-school theater kid videos of you is a cringefest even for people who aren’t famous, Mia’s clearly doing it with pride—and broadcasting it to the public. (Also, are we just not going to talk about how Ronan has a pitch-perfect voice?)
The family humiliation continued apace, with a Twitter user asking if there was anything Ronan couldn’t do, and Mia hanging one of his few inadequacies out to dry.
Roasted in such a public fashion, Ronan couldn’t help but respond, in the most “embarrassed teen being paged on the Best Buy loudspeaker” way ever:
Moms—you can’t live with ’em, and, as I’m discovering as I try to cook schiacciatina without my mother around to remind me to proof the yeast, you can’t live without ’em. Mia, Ronan—after all this, please consider going on Family Feud!